Same-sex friends are different than opposite-sex friends?

But seriously, this is the second straight-people-thread today that got a big ol' WTF!? " posted by greekphilosophy at 7:31 PM on

I was with a guy for a year and a half and I knew he never did anything wrong and never betrayed my trust and I always thought he could be friends with any girl he wanted to be friends with. I felt it was definitely OK with him being friends with girls he knew before me, but felt iffy about new girls he's met since he started dating me - I never said anything because I didn't want to seem like a crazy controlling girlfriend but inside I didn't like it.

So I learned gresk kone that guys don't really make new friends with new girls unless they're attracted to them. Sure, they can keep their old friends because it's crazy to demand them to drop their friendships, but it seems like if it's a girl he's met after meeting the gf and he keeps hanging out with new-friend, nothing good with come of that for your current relationship.

If you're not willing to hang out with new-friend and girlfriend together at once, then girlfriend is right that you shouldn't be friends with her. If you can all hang out together then maybe girlfriend would see that it's totally harmless, and new-friend would see how much you're into the girlfriend and that she exists and the relationship is serious.

Better yet, set up new-friend with one of your buddies. Maybe girlfriend would see that you could be trusted because this would show that you're totally not interested in new-friend and then girlfriend wouldn't worry about any other girls you meet. posted by KateHasQuestions at 7:38 PM on

Here in Gaytown we, like Dolly Parton ask, "Can't we all just get along?

I'd like to commend you for not laughing at her as soon as she suggested it. Because seriously if Mr. 26.2 pulled that I'd l on [1 favorite]

And my gut was right - he did end up breaking up with me to date one of the new girls he met since we were dating, and then after he broke up with her, he slept with another girl he met while him and I were dating

my girlfriends have in the past, without my batting an eyelid, done various activities with their female friends, including going dancing, swimming (sometimes naked), staying up late in each other's rooms drinking wine, sharing clothes, excessive hugging, discussing my numerous faults, going on holiday together, staying over in each other's apartments, staying over in each other's beds. and most or some or all of these would be totally unacceptable behavior with a male friend, to me, to them, and to the majority of the above posters no doubt.

I'm not going to go into long discussions of Gossip Girl or birth control with my guy friends, and I'm also not going to sleep in a bed with them.

I have been doing most of these things with platonic male friends since I was a teenager. Any romantic partner who told me that my level of hugging with my friends was "excessive" would be unlikely to receive a hug from me again any time soon. I would end any romantic relationship with anyone who told me I couldn't be trusted to share a bed with a male friend (or that I couldn't be trusted to choose male friends who would respect platonic boundaries).

But that's me. Every person needs to decide what level of friendship they want with their platonic friends, male and female. And couples need to talk about these issues to ensure that everyone is on the same page. But if your partner is trying to take away from you something that is important to you because of a vague sense of discomfort, and if you can't talk through it, that's a huge red flag. posted by