I could try to deny it, but the truth was, I respected Elisha immensely

She was not just a good writer but a great story teller. Plus, our platonic friendship allowed us constant insight into each other's gender; someone who could translate the thoughts and feelings of our significant others in real time.

So naturally, Elisha was the first person that I naimisiin itäeurooppalainen nainen called after my date with Alabama. Half an hour later, I was perched outside a Starbucks with her seated across the table from me, nursing a caramel Frappuccino and listening to me run through the bullet-points from the previous night.

When I got to the part about the strap-on, Elisha suddenly interrupted me to say, “Wait, she HAS an actual strap-on? Like the full kit with the harness and everything? Can you ask her where she got it and how much she paid?”

Elisha's tone was adamant as she said, “Seriously and I need a good reference on prices. This guy I've been seeing, Lance?”

“Unfortunately, not well. I tried putting one end in his has ass while he was in the doggy-style position and then I put the other end in my pussy but that didn't work. The angles were weird and I couldn't get a good rhythm going.”

More than a little amused by the image she had just put in my head, I smirked at Elisha and gave her a sarcastic shrug. “Well at least you tried. What else can you do?”

We both had a good laugh at this as the elderly couple at the table beside us abruptly got up and left. I sighed while watching them start towards their car as I said, “So what would you do in my situation?”

“I'd probably call her back...” Elisha's devilish grin returned as she said, “But of course I'm not opposed to the idea of a dildo in my ass, so...”

You're telling the other person that your shared sexual exploits, as enjoyable as they may have been, were not vital to your continued survival

Elisha thought for a beat and then shrugged. “It sounded like you were having a great time until you ate that DXM. I'd say give the girl another chance in a few days, once things have settled down and you're not feeling so...”

“HEY, she's the one who asked me what I was up to. I told her to give me a call.”

“That's a bad sign. I don't care how amazing she is at sucking dick. Any girl who wants to hang out the day immediately following the first time you hooked up with her is someone looking for trouble.”

“Hey, I never said crazy didn't make for a good fucking. I DID however suggest that you wait a few days. That gap of time...” Elisha pointed at me and her tone became serious as she said, “It establishes an important precedent. Because everybody wants what they can't have and absolutely NOBODY wants what they've already got.”

So that's exactly what I did, or rather didn't do, when I saw Alabama's number on the incoming-call screen later that evening.

The call went to voicemail and about thirty seconds later, she texted me:

For a moment, I debated whether it was okay to at least respond in text-form... a quick message that explained how I couldn't hang out tonight so she wouldn't think I was outright ignoring her... but then I'd have to make up a reason WHY I couldn't hang out and either way, it would defeat the entire purpose of not answering her call in the first place.